Maybe if you just relax.....

I have heard many, many time over the years many different types of advice from others on what we should try to concieve. The most common is usually, "maybe if you just relax it will just happen". This usually really annoys me. First of all the person usually telling you to relax has already had a kid or two, without any trouble at all. Most likely they weren't even trying to have a baby, and it did just happen. However for many other couples it doesn't happen that way. Just relaxing WILL NOT in itself help a couple going through infertility concieve.

I have also heard things like, maybe you should just have a drink or two and it will help you relax even more... No thanks, I don't drink. Then there is always the unfair comment from one of those friends that didn't plan their children, the "you can borrow mine anytime you want". I think this one really infuriates me as well. It is so insensitive. Anyone going through infertility would give anything to have your "brats" as you call them, and to make that comment just comes off so unappreciative.

I am really tired of hearing other people's opinions (people who do not struggle with infertility) on how things will work out, or how I can get them to work out. I know that most of them really do mean the best, but sometimes I think they should consider what they are really saying and how it may affect the person they are saying it to.

I realized not long after we discovered that concieving would be an issue, that even asking a couple that has been married for more than a year or so can be hurtful. I know that we have gotten the question many many times, and at first just brushing the question off as if we weren't even trying. But deep down it did upset me. And I began to think that other couples may be feeling the same way. Joey and I once ran into a couple that Joey knew and they had been married for a few years, and of course Joey asks them when they were going to have kids. I immediately thought "Oh no! What if they are trying and having problems too?" And there answer confirmed it for me. They answered that dreaded question just like we always did... I suddenly realized other people are in this fight too.

So please, before you ask a young couple when they are gonna have kids, please don't assume that it is there choice that they haven't had any yet. And also, thanks for offering advice, but really, think about it before you say it.... Also, I am not saying that anyone that gives advice is wrong or always hurtful, but many are. And also just because someone says they will let us borrow their kids anytime doesn't mean they aren't grateful for their kids, or that they don't want them, it really just doesn't read well....


  1. Man, oh man! I hope I haven't any of that to you! I am so sorry if I have!

  2. No you haven't, I can't even recall the people over the years that have. I just thought it was a good topic for others to know...

  3. So True, Remember feeling that way many times myself. It is so hard for anyone to understand unless they have walked in your shoes and experienced the ups and downs and depression that comes along with infertility issues. Love the updates and the topics. Keep them coming.

  4. You are exactly right Heather...I still get the "are you going to have another?" I feel like saying First of all you don't know all the trouble I went through to get this one and secondly there is no possible way for me to have another since I have had a hysterectomy...or are you going to "get" another one...well lets see, I didn't know I was going to "get" this one and now am I going to get another...hmmm sounds like a post for my blog...haha...Keep the blogs coming...

  5. my feelings exactly. i get the " just relax and it will happen" all the time. well no, it will not happen. last week, i had the same surg you had and during my surg they did the HSG dye test. both of my tubes are blocked. i am so angry right now. my doctor wants to refer me to a specialist. she mentioned ivf that cost tens of thousands of dollars. (that no health insurance will cover). oh and you only have a 25% chance of it working. talk about gambling your money! i wish you hope. i have no open tubes so no hope.

  6. I am so sorry to hear that, and can certainly understand how you are feeling. Please feel free to email me if you would like someone to talk to that truly understands how you feel! Best of luck to you, there is always hope! Even if doctors and science says there isn't, you have to believe that some way there is still hope. Hope is all we have!